Don't Ask About the Kids

If you run into old friends, ask about their recent hip replacement, not the kids. Because our aging joints are now our children. And they need us more.

I’m 14 flavors of weird.

— I laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, just to be liked.

— I make potato salad out of frozen fries.

— I still like elbow patches on sweaters.

— I don’t mind running into people at the grocery store.

— I excel at awkward small talk (my first language).

Here’s a tip for Boomers. If you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while, don’t ask about the kids or grandkids.

First, you don’t really care that much. Second, the kids are grown, so we shouldn’t behave like fanboys anymore.

No, if you run into old friends, ask about their recent hip replacement. Ask about that new knee. Ask about their joints in general: shoulders, elbows, wrists.

Because our failing joints are now our children. They require extra care. And we spend inordinate amounts of time and money on them.

Also, if you’re forced to engage in small talk, never ask someone about his or her sex life. In our suburb, that’s like asking about a dead relative. Chances are they’re still grieving.